Apa Kabar, Bo?

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  Apa kabar, Bo? Kemarin saya ke Gramedia. Sanctuary saya pas jaman SD. Dulu waktu Hero Swalayan masih ada di Gatot Subroto. Biasanya saya ke sana setelah ngumpulin duit jajan seminggu dan bisa buat beli komik. Ngga seperti sekarang, dulu banyak komik yang sampul plastiknya terbuka, jadi saya puas-puasin baca sebelum akhirnya beli cuma satu.  Jaman itu majalah Bobo tidak setipis sekarang. Apalagi pas edisi khusus, tebalnya bisa ngalahin kamus. Hahaha, bercanda ya, Bo. Bobo benar-benar teman bermain dan belajar saya, ada beberapa dongeng dunia yang sampai detik ini saya masih ingat. Ada juga dongeng lokal yang jadi favorit saya. Mungkin penulis Bobo sudah lupa, ada sebuah cerpen, yang memuat cerita ibu petani yang asik bekerja hingga anaknya kelaparan. Saya ingat ada syairnya: tingting gelinting, perutku sudah genting, kelaparan mau makan. Saya kemudian meniru syair tersebut dan dimarahin Mama. Beliau bilang, ngga pantas didenger orang. Oh ya, Bo. Mama adalah orang yang berjasa...
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Breakup Withdrawal

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"Love is addictive. Lovers fail to aware that they've become a junkie. Sometimes it never the person, it was the chemistry in your brain telling your body to crave for your partner. That's when you need a fix."

I still wake up at odd times. Only for different reasons. Lately, it because of the significant other. How my sleep is occupied with bizarre dreams about us. The fight, the romance, the way he used to look at me as if I was his sole purpose in life. Haven't eaten or sleep properly takes a toll on my health, both physically and mentally. I was afraid I might get a heart attack.

Just now, I got a series of dreams of him hurting me. Telling all his friends that I was crazy. That I'm the one who was using him. That I'm possessive and demanding. Four or five dreams in a row and I wake up to a word: withdrawal.

Several posts before, I wrote about how love is chemistry more than a feeling. It's all happening in our brain. It's exactly like drug withdrawal, located in the same part of the brain. The part that gives us senses of leisure, satisfaction, and achievement. Or so I read since I never taste any kind of drugs.

Still with the question 'was I ever loved by you?' because nothing changes in his life. He still got it as before. While I was, some kind of a mess.

It only a matter of time. I know it very well. Time doesn't heal, our body was getting used to it, and stop making a fuss about the symptoms. Until that happens, I need to take good care of myself. Because no one will. Especially the one person who only (unintentionally) take but give back so little.

Maybe, he never loves me. It was just convenient for him until I'm not. Maybe it was not anyone's fault. Still, I was sorry I can't make him happy. How can I, I don't know what or how happiness is.

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