Looking for Shinta

I always use all of my heart when in love. Every time. That is why I have always broken to the dust when betrayed. And my last significant other broke me to the extent that I don't know a decent human being capable of doing that.

I won't mention in detail how I helped him live for the last 8 years. It's his trait to cheat. And he will do it again. He was only sorry coz he got caught.

But, for me.

Looking back, I never pick up the opposite gender. Never looking for a romantic partner. Never want to stick myself to another human. That's my trait. To have a significant other, most of the time did me no good. Once got me longing for rainy days, another one made me visit the doctor regularly. And the last one, I knew he was trouble since the first day.

Anyway anyhow.

Though I can't hate them, I despise what they did to me.

And made me think I was the issue. But hey, I've been warning them since the beginning. I don't want us to be together. They thought it was a challenge. It was not. I pushed them since I knew they would hurt me.

I am usually damn right.

It's been a couple of months since his infidelity. I still mourning, still mending my broken heart. Already stop asking why. I knew the answer: It's his trait to cheat.

So here I am, alone again. Finally knew what loneliness is. Struggling with depression and anxiety. That, and several weeks ago, mania kicked in. I really use all of my energy to survive. I don't have any left to feel angry with you, baby. You do you.  Live a life you owe me so much. Enjoy it while it lasts.

As I'm looking to be myself, consider this as a caution.

If you read this, dear new guys. I'm not ready to jump into any kind of relationship. I can't bear another human touch. I don't want to have to think about anyone's feelings. I'm still mourning. If you have the slightest feeling towards me, please don't. 

I always enjoy my lonesome, that baby, you should be flattered that I have entertained you for the last 8 years. As your sins wouldn't forgiven, live with your guilt, stay unhappy forever.