Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Day Off

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There's always be one day in a month that I feel paralyzed. Like this day. I just don't want to do anything. Not even watching tv. But, writing is my catch. And my brain couldn't stop thinking. The only thing that won't work today is my heart.

Like I told u before, and before before, I always have things to be done. 2 articles for my freelance assignment, editorial meeting, get some properties for another prewed photoshoot, and prepare my next trip. Instead of doing those to-do list, here I am. Sitting on a couch in the park. With a bottle of orange juice, just finished biking around.

U might think I'm lazy, what I wanna say is: there's no point in forcing urself to something because u'd most likely have to do it over again after the initial screw up. I know, after couple hours sun bathing, I'll be able to do my task. For now, aaah, lemme enjoy sun, wind, orange juice, books and blog. Then I'll go to theater and get myself movies marathon.

Sunshine, sunshine, sunshine.

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