Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Dari pizza ke onigiri

Boleh saya salahkan hormon atas kondisi mood saya hari ini?

Lalu saat hujan di tengah hari, saya berharap sepotong pizza dapat mendengarkan keluh kesah saya. Namun, seperti biasa, saya diam dan mendengarkan. Bukan giliran saya untuk didengar.

Lalu saya menaruh harapan yang sama pada onigiri. Dengarkanlah kisah sedih hati saya. Alih-alih menangis lepas, saya justru dibuat tertawa dengan perdebatan tanpa ujung.

Diantara pizza dan onigiri, saya kangen blenger burger.

Mi manchi molto,
Shinta

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