Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Morning Questions

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Biarpun gak suka ditanya-tanya, gue punya banyak pertanyaan untuk diri gue sendiri.

Why u always rushing things?
Karena gue penasaran akhirnya kayak gimana. Dan di otak gue, prosesnya udah mulai berjalan. Karena gue pengen semua cepet berakhir?

What is ur biggest fear?
Being anonymous. Shinta who?

How do u see urself at ur 40s yo?
I wish I have a healthy brain.

Looking at urself 5 year ago, if u can meet her, what would u say to her?
Choose ur friend wisely.

U got a time machine, what time u wanna go? Why?
A year ago. Shinta setahun yang lalu harus diperingatkan, nggak semua orang bisa dipercaya.

Things make u upset?
Unable to trust people.

U re in trouble. What do u do first?
Duduk, take a deep breath dan mulai menelusuri darimana sumber masalahnya. Honestly, kadang biarpun udah tau sumber masalahnya, gue nggak berani menyelesaikannya.

Somethings u wanna change about urself?
The hormon. Can u control ur hormon?

Precious thing in life?
Faith.

How do u define success?
Be able to eat and sleep well.

10 question from and to my quirky mind. I keep asking myself question to stay sane. As a reminder.

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