Hard Pills to Swallow

  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...

Three Months After The Turbulence Day

 

It's been some time since the turbulence day when his betrayal occurred.

Yes, I want to focus on mending my broken heart.

Yet I also want him to see and fix the damage he made.

But I know better what he's capable of. And he is not capable of fixing it.

He can't even fix his life. Otherwise, he will still be able to meet Selva.


I've been jumping around. Moving out from place to place. Juggling between jobs.

Still waking up with chest pain. Still wanna disappear.

I'm not getting better.

I'm just pretending.


I'm not okay

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