Late Night or Early Morning

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The thing about grief: it doesn't end with its five phases or whatever.  It stays.  It eats you every day.  You feel it in your chest.  Your arms tremble.  Yet, you can't cry.  You are never allowed to cry.  Not anymore.  Not after an evil, ungrateful man saw your tears and exploited them. A thought in the late night or the very early morning.  You feel the pain is fresh.  You wonder why you were stabbed and left to die alone.  Your hands seek a grasp.  Nobody is around. We are always alone.  And it's fine.  We are always better off alone. Forgive yourself.  Forgive me.
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Three Months After The Turbulence Day

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It's been some time since the turbulence day when his betrayal occurred.

Yes, I want to focus on mending my broken heart.

Yet I also want him to see and fix the damage he made.

But I know better what he's capable of. And he is not capable of fixing it.

He can't even fix his life. Otherwise, he will still be able to meet Selva.


I've been jumping around. Moving out from place to place. Juggling between jobs.

Still waking up with chest pain. Still wanna disappear.

I'm not getting better.

I'm just pretending.


I'm not okay

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