A Head Full of Awful Things

I'm forcing myself to write.

Since there are many awful things in my head.

Forever grievings.

Live in a pandemic.

Constantly anxious.

But, I live well.

Works okay.

Occasionally laugh.

While still want to cut open my wrist.

I would never do that.

My body is not mine.

So I live well.

Keep trying to eat clean.

Meditate.

Sometimes working out.

I know I'm not okay.

Never in my entire life.

I know I can't afford to be sick.

So I cope.

Some nights it's worse than ever.

Some night eyes won't close.

Days feel longer.

And miserable.

My heart feels like it would burst.

My head spin.

Tears flood like a river.

I'm not okay, still, I'm coping.

Some days are worse.

For unknown reasons.

Coping is hard.