A Head Full of Awful Things

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I'm forcing myself to write.
Since there are many awful things in my head.
Forever grievings.
Live in a pandemic.
Constantly anxious.

But, I live well.
Works okay.
Occasionally laugh.

While still want to cut open my wrist.

I would never do that.

My body is not mine.

So I live well.
Keep trying to eat clean.
Sometimes working out.

I know I'm not okay.
Never in my entire life.
I know I can't afford to be sick.
So I cope.

Some nights it's worse than ever.
Some night eyes won't close.
Days feel longer.
And miserable.

My heart feels like it would burst.
My head spin.
Tears flood like a river.

I'm not okay, still, I'm coping.

Some days are worse.
For unknown reasons.

Coping is hard.