Coffee and Contemplation - 1

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  It was a pleasant evening, and I always order a Japanese iced filter whenever I spend time at this particular slow bar in Jakarta. As I sipped my 50k-something coffee, my mind began to contemplate the passage of time. Ten years ago, I only paid 18k for the same menu item, the same beans. I understand how inflation works, and I know that coffee crops depend heavily on nature to thrive. Yet, as I sat there, I realized how drastically prices have skyrocketed over the last decade—not just for coffee, but for everything. Even though my salary has increased fourfold in that time, I still feel as though my buying power has weakened. It wasn't just the price of the beans that bothered me; it was the realization that the cost of living is quietly eroding everything I’ve worked for. I won't go into the weeds of government mismanagement, but it reminded me of a scene in The Trial of the Chicago 7 , where Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character asks Sacha Baron Cohen’s about his contempt for hi...
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A Head Full of Awful Things

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I'm forcing myself to write.
Since there are many awful things in my head.
Forever grievings.
Live in a pandemic.
Constantly anxious.

But, I live well.
Works okay.
Occasionally laugh.

While still want to cut open my wrist.

I would never do that.

My body is not mine.

So I live well.
Keep trying to eat clean.
Meditate.
Sometimes working out.

I know I'm not okay.
Never in my entire life.
I know I can't afford to be sick.
So I cope.

Some nights it's worse than ever.
Some night eyes won't close.
Days feel longer.
And miserable.

My heart feels like it would burst.
My head spin.
Tears flood like a river.

I'm not okay, still, I'm coping.

Some days are worse.
For unknown reasons.

Coping is hard.

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