Apa Kabar, Bo?

  Apa kabar, Bo? Kemarin saya ke Gramedia. Sanctuary saya pas jaman SD. Dulu waktu Hero Swalayan masih ada di Gatot Subroto. Biasanya saya ke sana setelah ngumpulin duit jajan seminggu dan bisa buat beli komik. Ngga seperti sekarang, dulu banyak komik yang sampul plastiknya terbuka, jadi saya puas-puasin baca sebelum akhirnya beli cuma satu.  Jaman itu majalah Bobo tidak setipis sekarang. Apalagi pas edisi khusus, tebalnya bisa ngalahin kamus. Hahaha, bercanda ya, Bo. Bobo benar-benar teman bermain dan belajar saya, ada beberapa dongeng dunia yang sampai detik ini saya masih ingat. Ada juga dongeng lokal yang jadi favorit saya. Mungkin penulis Bobo sudah lupa, ada sebuah cerpen, yang memuat cerita ibu petani yang asik bekerja hingga anaknya kelaparan. Saya ingat ada syairnya: tingting gelinting, perutku sudah genting, kelaparan mau makan. Saya kemudian meniru syair tersebut dan dimarahin Mama. Beliau bilang, ngga pantas didenger orang. Oh ya, Bo. Mama adalah orang yang berjasa...

Midnight Doctor 13


'Sorry for sudden call, Doc.'
'It's okay. Is everything good?'
I sat there in silence. Phone in my hand. Head full of words. But none can come up.
'Shin, if you call me in the dead of the night, I wish you would talk.'
'Sorry, Doc. It just. I don't know where to start. I feel so awful.'
'About?'
'Hurting people. Playing with their feeling.'
'It's normal. You will get hurt when you hurt other. Means you still have heart even when you say you are heartless.'
'I don't want him to get hurt. But I don't want him to blame it all on me.'
'Are you in relationship with someone?'
'It's not supposed to be a relationship.'
'So? Are you playing your games again? Didn't I told you that's not good for your mental condition? Your manic phase was 2 months ago. The last time you came for therapy.'
'Yeah. It started back then.'
'Until now? Did you develop feeling over him? Which is good, actually.'
'That's what make me confused. I don't feel anything to him. I just don't want him to get hurt. I always worry about him and he use it as a weapon.'
'He traps you with guilt?'
'I care about him. But he doesn't want to keep me. I don't wanna ended up with him. But everytime I tried to leave he makes me worry and guilty. I'm so confused. That's why I don't wanna be in relationship. I can't be myself. And I'm afraid he will leaves me.'
'You know, I've been reading some journals, will send it to you. Shin, your problem with not letting anyone to love you, is being selfish. And in the same time is your 'imune system'. You don't wanna lose yourself. You are afraid when will your partner got a change of feeling.
'But, let's just life for the moment. Let's just enjoy his love for you.'
'Even if I don't love him?'
'You don't?'
'I guess so.'
'But you care and worry over him, did you?'
'Yeah. I see me somewhere in his eyes. He was hurted and broken. And if I can do something to lighter his burden, why not?'
'That's definitely not love. That's humanity. It's good. But you show it in a wrong way. He might misread it.'
'He said it's okay if I don't love him. He loves me anyway.'
'He sounds like you.'
'I know right.'
'But, Shin. It's never your job to fix people.'
'I know...
'I wanna run from him. As much as I wanna hold him tight. I always like this everytime people get too close. What should I do?'
'There's a time for everything, Shin. This time, you have to learn how to be loved.'
'What if I hurt him?'
'If it happens, you two will grow up a little more. Wiser and kinder.
'Sleep now. You need it.'
The doctor is off. But I still can't sleep. This guy, like my life, I love to hate.