Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Coffee and Kisses: After Taste

I really sad today.
Like everything I did was grey and dull.
On top of that, I re-watch 500 days of Summer.
Because once again I'm being a Summer.
And a Tom as well.

Did I told you I don't want feelings to get involved?
Did I told you to not bring your heart for this?
Oh, Baby, don't believe me when I say I love you.
But you.
You love me.
You said that.
You shown that.
Still I can't feel it.
Still I won't understand it.

But, Baby, everything has its own time.
I was counting when will our time ends.
I don't want it forever.
Yet I don't want it to be this short.
Oh, Baby, we both gonna hurt anyway.
And if you think I enjoy breaking people heart, well, I don't.
It just.
If we gonna go separated in the end, the sooner, the better.

Don't believe me when I say I love you.
But believe me, it hurts me to think that you're hurted.
I love you, Baby.
It feels right to say.