Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Tripl3 Play: My Kind of Relationship

Let's play another MTv Tripl3 Play. Since Google changes the way Youtube official account videos linked, I can't put those videos here. Suck, right. But let see if this little cheat work. Click on every link to know my Tripl3 Play videos. Let's play!

My kind of relationship usually start with this where my fangirl mode is on. I went crazy over a guy. Obsessive. I want him and no others will do. I knew how it works. Showered him with attention, until the boy is mine. Then again, you lose nothing when I became your fangirl. I am an ultimate fangirl who will open your opportunity in career. Really.

And he's in my palm! So we move on with this where we spend weekend together. Oh, don't worry about the bills, I love to pay. We're living in a dream any couples will do. You can kiss me anytime, anywhere. I treat you like a king, like a baby, like a savior. I can be your lover, your mother-hen, your best partner in crime. I could be anything. You won't get enough of me. And the best part is I never said 'terserah'. I'll do all the planning. You can sit back and enjoy.

But the worse thing about fangirl is I'm so possessive. I want you forever. I want you 24/7 a week. I can't if you're not around I want you only for myself! Beside you need nobody else. Only me. Only us. And I can be nasty if you don't go according to my words. Oh, baby, let's be alone together, where I can own you for myself without anyone whispering on your ears saying how crazy I am.

So at the end, the guy lefts. And my heart is broken. But not for long. Because even when I dressed like a nightmare, and follow you until you love me, you will love me. At one second in your life you will love me. See you around my next mistakes.