Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Pack Your Bag and Go

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Did I ever told you that I really enjoy what I do for living?
Yeah, I told you million times.
Even when work gets hard and dull.
Still, I'm in the middle of planning my another solo trip.
After those routines, this girl need some adventure.

Often I realize the reason why I go solo isn't because I adore solitude.
It because I'm a control freak who wants everything exactly like I want. Minus natural causes.

And I realize (again) I measure people with my standart. Forgeting if everyone is a unique individual and have their own way to bloom.
It just been-there-done-that and I know few shortcuts.
People learn from mistakes. And grow with it.

But I couldn't. Keep repeating same old mistakes. Unwilling to change.
While my brain evolves, my heart stay kid.
This trip is one of my escape.
Hope I could comeback better.

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