Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Normal's might be boring but it's safe.

It's so hard sometimes.
I don't even know if this is me or bipolar.
I don't have any encourage words anymore.
I want this to be ended.
To be normal.
Whatever its meaning.

It sad to sleep all day.
Unable to get up and do stuff.
It's tiring to up all night.
Getting along with stranger.
Flirting and seducing.
I wanna be normal.
To live some bored mediocre life.

Or at least.
I wanna have a one.
To share this awful nightmare.
I'm afraid he might run down the hill.
I wanna be normal.
To feel content with all I have.

This emotion rage.
I couldn't help it anymore.
I need help.