Borrowed Sorrow

on
  Growing up, I spent most of my time alone. I spent it reading, playing pretend, writing short stories, dancing, and exploring. Of course, I had a crew: a bunch of busybody teenagers exploring the infinite possibilities of our hometown. When puberty hit, I fell in love with the idea of falling in love, but not the actual relationship part. I mostly read about romance in teen magazines and already felt exhausted by the obligations society threw at girls. Back in my day, being sad was a trend. I was there when the first emo punk bands debuted on MTV. I was there when Avril swapped her skateboard for a tutu. But personally, I was happy. So, I borrowed sorrow from pop culture instead. I picked up my brother’s beat-up guitar and learned to play the most heart-numbing songs. I was an emo girl. The quiet kind you could only discover by reading my notes or scrolling through my playlist. I am a middle-aged woman now. What was once a borrowed sorrow has become the story of my life. Those c...
0

Sweet ends when bitter starts

on

I was scrolling my path timeline while lying sick in my bed. Last updates said 'lots of chocolate, lots of chocolate'. Christmas chocolate and new year chocolate. I ate like nonstop! Munching while working. Happy end year!

But, love too much will hurt much too. As soon as 2015 begins, i got sore throat. Thought it was mediocre i ignore it. Ate everything i want. Turn out, it was tonsillitis and while yesterday i had ate much, for this last seven days, i barely eating.

It's awfull. How it's hard to shallow even only pure water, and my tounge got stomatitis all over its edge. I ve been crying a lot. Said 'why me, god? what ve i done? please stop this. forgive me. what sins got this pay off?'

I went to three different doctor. Mum treat me like baby. I couldnt eat save for porridge. I hate porridge, and now it's the only thing i could eat.

My mind wandering. My tounge, did i use it to hurt people with my words? Oh yes. I love mocking people, show them what a funny person they are. And my diet, maybe because i often had leftover. Never care if i finish my food or not, if i dont like it, then i wont finish it. If im too sad to eat, then i wont finish it.

Is that why i pay those attitude this way? On a late night, when i tired crying, i put word in my arm: patience. I never have that, seems god wants me to learn it. Oh god, my time is limited, patience is luxury.

So be it, you ve start your new year with fireworks, i started it with drugs work. Cant wait to get well, to back to fucking living, to earn fucking money -to living, (crap i swear again, hope my thumb will be okay).

Im sick being sick. And honey, how we never be grateful for something we have until it's taken away? Oh god, it's a long day in bed. Im bored.

Comments

Post a Comment