Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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Midnight Doctor 8.0

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'Shin, are you okay?'
I open my eyes and see the doctor wearing worry face. I cant feel my body, only an ache in my chest.
'Shin?'
'What happen?'
'You jump from the bridge. Almost jump, then you passed. They brought you here and called me.'
'Im sorry.'
'Are you okay?'
'Im not okay. Im sorry. I tried to kill myself.'
'Seriously, Shin.'
'Something i havent told you, doc. I ve been tried to avoid razor, knife, bridge, highway traffic and medicines. All kind of way i can kill myself with. Im sorry, i lost control this afternoon.'
I feel so tired, now i can see my legs trembling. My mind's blank. I can remember how hard i tried to keep moving, and how miserable i wanna jump into highway traffic.
'Did i jumped?'
'No, you're collapse at the edge of the bridge. Shin, im so scared when got a phone call about you. You need to talk to your friends and family about your condition.'
'I cant. I wont be a cheerfull talk. Hello, i have tendencies to kill myself, will you look after me?'
'Tell them the truth. Everything. Your family at least.'
'I cant. It will makes them unhappy. Knowledge is burden. This, they dont know how to handle.'
'You dont have to be alone, Shin.'
'Yet i am alone. Thank you for coming for me, doc.'
'Why would you jump, Shin? What happen?'
What happen is i am tired. I keep imaging cutting my wrist. I imaging jump from the bridge into the highway traffic. I struggle to that everyday. Nobody would miss me. I am alone, am i?