Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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Midnight Doctor 4.0

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'Hey doc, am i broken? I've cry a lot.'
'No, you're not. This is the other phase of your bi. You feeling tired, tears keep coming, and the thought, it's back, isnt?'
'Yes. Doc, why am i like this? Am i eat something wrong? Am i being cursed?'
'Dear, Shin. Dont look down on yourself. You're a lovely, cheerfull person. What you've got is temporary. And we both know you're tough.'
'I've been like this for ages. Im tired. One time i spend too much money, chasing some guys, another time im tired, cry whenever i awake, even imagine to cut my vein.'
'If only you want to take medicine...'
'Never. I dont trust it. What i have cant be solve with any drugs. It's a whole me is wrong. And the only medicine is that i have to vanish.'
'Shin! You change nothing with vanishing.'
'But one thing for sure, doc. I cant get hurt if im not exist.
'Doc, if i ended up cut my vein, would God forgive me? If turns out im not tough enough to live life, would God understand?'
'Shin, you're unwell. Please take your medicine and rest a bit. I promise you, you'll be alright.'
'I dont need medicine, doc. I dont wanna lose my control. Medicine will make me fall a sleep.'
This time, i talk a lot. I cant even remember what im talking about. That doctor gives me something and i feel misty clouding in my head.