Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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Midnight Doctor 1.0

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'Hay, how are you? Shud regulary check on you, what's with the Instagram photos?'
The good doctor lines me at nearly midnight.
'That's just a book im reading. You see, im not always feel related to a character in books or movies. But this china rabbit resembles me.'
I talk long. Been a while i tried to skip my meeting with the doctor. Tech fails me. The doctor got me this time.
'Still about the loner stuffs?'
'Yes and all the others.'
'What's the others?'
I read that line over and over again. Not sure i need to tell that to the doctor. But the doctor would find it anyway.
'At some point, i care to myself way too much. That i dont need others to take care of me.'
'Ah... But actually you need them?'
'Like the china rabbit, i got some people that care of me. Yes, im taking them for granted.'
'Are you crying?'
'No, why? Did your eyes full with tears?'
'Hahaha no. It just i would love to see you cry. To show that it's okay to be weak sometimes.'
'Hey, doctor, do you have life to live on other than bashing your patient?'
'Nah, dont be rude. You stop coming to our session. I thought you're out of town. Then you Instagram photos just make me worry.'
'You worry nothing, doc.'
There's a time the doctor overwhelmed me.
'I dont think i deserved to be loved. Im a total mess.'
Finally i talk.
'You already knew that everybody got their own mess.'
'Here's the shrink back!'
'Hahaha things about love, it doesnt stay long. What left is commitment.'
'We both knew i had issues with commitment.'
Seems like the doctor wants to talk long. While i dont. I promised wud show up to our next meeting.
The things about being loved is i never know when the lovers will stop loving me. Meanwhile, i'll always in love. Even when the lovers gone, my love stays. And send a gazzilion questions. What if.
I envy the china rabbit, who's finally open his heart and embrace to be loved. I keep my glass heart in a steel safe. I forgot where the key is. The glass heart stay safety, nothing can hurt the glass heart. And i might forget it existence. I have no heart.