Borrowed Sorrow

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  Growing up, I spent most of my time alone. I spent it reading, playing pretend, writing short stories, dancing, and exploring. Of course, I had a crew: a bunch of busybody teenagers exploring the infinite possibilities of our hometown. When puberty hit, I fell in love with the idea of falling in love, but not the actual relationship part. I mostly read about romance in teen magazines and already felt exhausted by the obligations society threw at girls. Back in my day, being sad was a trend. I was there when the first emo punk bands debuted on MTV. I was there when Avril swapped her skateboard for a tutu. But personally, I was happy. So, I borrowed sorrow from pop culture instead. I picked up my brother’s beat-up guitar and learned to play the most heart-numbing songs. I was an emo girl. The quiet kind you could only discover by reading my notes or scrolling through my playlist. I am a middle-aged woman now. What was once a borrowed sorrow has become the story of my life. Those c...
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That Hipster's Magz

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You know, i always nicknamed things and people in my life. Like the one who wont be named, means a petite tutor back in my college days; the first man, means my first boyfriend; basketball for my second boyfriend; etc.

I also nicknamed those magazine i (used to) work for. Like the ultimate teen magz in town, the hipster magz, the hijabsomething magz, etc.

Things about the hipster magz, i know so many people who despite my team in this magz. You know, things other said about hipster being oh so exclusive and oh so over-dresses. While i, who potrait myself as an outsider in every packs, dont see it like that.

I mean, back when i was in the ultimate teen magz in town, people keep talking about how my first boss act like Vogue's editor in chief. But all i see was, she just give her best self to represent her magz. All i wanna say is look closer without cloudy eyes.

The same goes to the cool kids in hipster magz. They are warm and easy to be with. They are open minded with sometimes curt words. Because they didnt mean it. That's how they joke. Yeah i've been thought it's rude, but after a while, i dont care. They let me to be me. And i dont see why i should insult them just because they're being themself.

Oh yeah im no saint, i have one or two person i dont like. And i wont like. But if they keep their distance from me, i wont bite. Promise.

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