Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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I dont feel like to be alone

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I have this friend. A girl. She always bug me to going out with her. Watching movie, dinner, shopping, etc. Then i just relieze, i never say no to her. Means i have plenty time to waste, right.

Once i ask her 'why dont you go by yourself?'

She said: 'i dont feel like eating alone. If im shopping alone, i cant ask for second opinion. And watching movie alone just miserable.'

'what's that make me then?' i laugh.
'you are loner. I need people to be with.' she said.

Just now a guy sat in front of me. Wondering why i call him. 'that's not usual.' he said.

Well, i think, tonight i dont feel like eating alone.

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