Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

I Am Not Very Fond Of: Kim Soo Hyun

That's yesterday photo. The magazine where I work for was invited to Kim Soo Hyun Asia Tour 2014 from Samsonite (thank you). He's never be my favorite guy. I dont know why, maybe because he was rival with Taec in Dream High. Since I'll always root for Taecyeon, I can't bear that Taec once again had unrequited love (in Cinderella's Stepsister and Dream High) Why Taec? Are we shared the same destiny to always see them who didn't see us back?? Okay, back to reality. I'm not fall over heels when the invitation coming. I was asking Al, whether or not he wants to coming. Al said NO, in capital. Well, guess I am the one who gonna met Soo Hyun.

Bad luck! At that morning, I wake up with fever, but I didnt know it yet. After play some games, had shower and dress up, even put make up, I felt terribly tired. Thought lay down a bit would help me feeling well, but it wasnt. I got dizzy. Thought it was anemia, but it wasnt. Thought I should wasted this chance to met Soo Hyun. But I cant waste a good time, I still can walk, wasnt I? A little fever wouldnt keep me from my curious mind. I must go.

Hours later I ate pasta something at Gio Vanese and didnt finish it. So I guess my fever was severe. Only that and a big heartbreak can take my appetite. After got my ticket at Samsonite store in Gandaria City, I was seated at row M, met Dina the hardcore Hottest, introduced with Nurul from Kpopnesia, waiting in the line, talked about Korean stuff, talked about media issue, finally getting into venue. We were looking for M row when Nurul bumped some of her friend and just like that, we're upgraded to row E. More good vision for my old Galaxy Wonder.

I'm grateful, but really, he's not my man. So I'm sorry in advance if I wont find this fan meeting a heart warming event. And it wasnt. Yes, Soo Hyun was singing, talking, joking, smiling, taking picture with his fan, singing again, talking again, joking again, show up his secret album, taking picture again. Since me and Nurul were upgraded to row E, we lost our chances to being called to the stage. The thing was the other part of our ticket in M row didnt in our hand anymore. While our E row ticket wasnt ripped at all. So yes, no going to the stage tonight.
This was my first fan meeting as well as I wasnt going as media. I was enjoy it, though. Very lucky to invited by Samsonite, lucky to met Dina and Nurul and all her friend, lucky to upgraded into row E, lucky to experience another one in a lifetime experiences. Lucky and still dizzy.