Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

lluvia #27

Old conversation.

Dear sir, i miss you so much. Not in the way love involved. But, you knew this before, i couldnt find another you. A guy as witty as sweet as indifferent as you. A guy with answer for each of my questions.

I told you before, we're compatible. Not in romantic way. But in the way your thought fill me and mine fill yours. We had talked a lot. Since the dawn to the dawn. Though i miss you every since. Im lost now.

Sir, im not in love. Nor im in rage with somebody. I just live. No drama added. Those old conversations, how i make my thumbs numb typed my emotions to you. Sir, how's life of yours?

My life plain like my favorite yogurt. A little bit sour, but it's plain. Sir, i dont feel like living. And i know, you already stop looking at me. Finally we lost contact.

Bizzare i dont feel pain. I dont feel anything. Im numb. Despite in missing you.

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