Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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lluvia #27

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Old conversation.

Dear sir, i miss you so much. Not in the way love involved. But, you knew this before, i couldnt find another you. A guy as witty as sweet as indifferent as you. A guy with answer for each of my questions.

I told you before, we're compatible. Not in romantic way. But in the way your thought fill me and mine fill yours. We had talked a lot. Since the dawn to the dawn. Though i miss you every since. Im lost now.

Sir, im not in love. Nor im in rage with somebody. I just live. No drama added. Those old conversations, how i make my thumbs numb typed my emotions to you. Sir, how's life of yours?

My life plain like my favorite yogurt. A little bit sour, but it's plain. Sir, i dont feel like living. And i know, you already stop looking at me. Finally we lost contact.

Bizzare i dont feel pain. I dont feel anything. Im numb. Despite in missing you.

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