Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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Two

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So, i started today -or yesterday i must say- with ease. Got a food photo session, and a gig. Not to mention scumbag client (almost) ruin my day.
So it was rain. And blackout. And couple of good songs from taxi driver's cd.
Night fall.
Found out one fact holds me from sleep.
One message without a reply.
One mr.fake stealing my sleep.
One night i thought it would be good.
He still gets me. No place to hide.
Still no reply.
Phone calls wont do.
I need to sleep. Few hours from now another photo session waiting.
To be done.
Those men take my sleep away. Keep an answer for my question.
I should think just a little. Or my brain will got a cancer.
But i'll wait for an answer. I'll keep my eyes wider.
Those answer wont come in one, two, three days. Nor in one, two, three weeks.
Get over it, i shall.
Can i? I must.
I should have some sleep. Tomorrow -or this morning- might be good.
Even i wont get an answer. Nor an explaination.
Only a silent reminds.
Tear me and him apart.
Like a time and how i couldnt use it well.
Like a shadow i couldnt run from.
Sir and sir, you two always make me feel worthless.
I adore you two, still. You guys are brilliant.
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