Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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lluvia #15

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Belakangan hujan terus turun. Hati saya terus pedih.
Saya pernah patah hati, menangis hingga airmata habis.
Bertanya kenapa, bagaimana, apa yang salah.
Kemarin saya pikir saya patah hati.

Iya, saya menangis hingga airmata habis.
Iya, saya bergelung dalam selimut menahan dada yang semakin sesak.
Lalu sudah. Saya melanjutkan hidup.
Karena seperti yang ia bilang, saya tidak cinta padanya.

Saya tidak melakukan apapun untuknya.
Ia tidak melakukan apapun untuk saya.
Saya hanya mementingkan hati saya.
Ia hanya mementingkan apa yang membuatnya nyaman.

Kami hanya kebetulan bersama.
Dan memutuskan membuat sedikit kenang-kenangan.
Ia mungkin menambah guratan luka dalam hati saya.
Saya tidak bisa melakukan hal yang sama.

Saya terluka karena saya peduli.
Saya tidak bisa pura-pura ia peduli.
Maka begitu hujan menghilang, saya akan menutup kisah tentangnya.
People grow apart, feeling change, memory fade away. We all together alone.

Tuan, dont turn your back on me.