Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Hey Girls!

Gue lagi di toilet dan merasa bosan. Isenglah gue ngirimin pesan ini ke cowok-cowok di phonebook gue:
"kalo lo lagi pdktin cewek, kira kira hal apa yg bikin lo ilfil sama dia?"

Dan inilah jawaban mereka:

"Si cewe blg blom punya cowo, pas udah berasa deket ternyata gwa mergokin dia mata ke mata sm cowony." - arman, secretly kamen rider.
"Klo gw, klo cewenya ternyata 'gampangan'" - yuan, traveler.
"Klo odong2 pas ngomong" - putro, analis tulisan tangan.
"kalau ditolak abis2an dan sedikit dipermalukan" - napi, musafir.
"klemer2 dan tidak pintar" - eki, visioner.
"bau badan, negative. person, control freak" - rohan, penggebuk drum.
"Paling sering yg bikin ilfil kalo trnyata pola pikirnya masi kacrut" - agung, traveler dadakan.
"Pas di ajak jln.. Td nya mau ehh tiba" btl.. Ato di undur.." - dion, auditor.
"Mungkin jutek, judes, not smart enough, ga nyambung ngomongnya" - arif, a husband.
"gw ilfil klo lg pdkt trus dia ngupil d dpn gw" - dimas, mantan freelancer.
"kentut" - akrom, streetballer.

Berhubung baru ganti handheld, belum banyak nomor telepon yang migrasi ke sini. Dan makin malem balesnya makin absurd. Hahaha dasar kromosom xy. Fyi, kalau ada cewek yang bisa ngupil dan kentut depan lo, berarti dia ngerasa nyaman sama lo, bro. Kadang cewek (apa cuma gue aja?) sok bego demi menjaga ego kelelakian kalian. Aslinya, kami tau lebih dulu :p

Ps: kamu yg nomornya ada di phonebook saya tp gak ditanya, alasannya cuma satu: ur words are special for me. Bukan buat konsumsi public xp

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