Hard Pills to Swallow

  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...

lluvia #4

Gadis itu menunggu hujan. Menunggu kenangan akan lelakinya datang membanjiri otak.
Ia berkata: aku bisa mendengarnya dengan telinga tertutup. Aku bisa melihatnya walau mata terpejam.
Namun ia tidak melihatku. Atau siapapun yang datang menawarkan hati padanya. Begitulah nasib ku. Dan orang sebelum ku, dan sebelumnya lagi. Gadis itu hanya berkata: tinggallah di sini. Namun istananya penuh nama lelaki itu.
Pada akhirnya, siapa pun yang datang akan meninggalkannya sendiri. Begitu pun aku.
Semoga hujan lekas datang, dan gadis itu dapat bersua dengan kenangannya. Hanya kenangannya.


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