Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

What did u do wrong?

Once, a boy told me: 'kalau ada person in relationship, lalu dia cheating sama cewe/cowo yang single, yang harus disalahkan bukan si cewe/cowo single itu. Tapi mereka yang dalam in relationship. Kenapa mereka nggak bisa menjaga pasangan mereka?' Begitu katanya. Padahal cowo ini sedang in relationship.

Gue sendiri, setuju dengan ucapan: 'I'm single, I'm free to flirt'. And I think is legal to flirt with anyone. Oh, go on, girls, u can hate me.

But, sebelum lo mencerca cewe/cowo yang ngambil pasangan lo, liat dulu ke cermin. Pertanyaan pertama: what did I do wrong?; analisa. Apa yang salah dalam hubungan kalian, terlalu posesif, terlalu membosankan, nggak ada tujuan yang jelas, terlalu lama tapi beda agama? Analisa.

Kedua, inget-inget udah berapa banyak orang yang nyaranin kalian putus alih-alih menikah. Satu? Dua? Tiga? Siapa aja orang-orang itu? Kakak kandung? Bapak? Temen kerja yang baru kenal sebulan? Kalau orang luar aja bisa ngeliat hubungan lo kagak sehat, masa iya lo masih mau nutup mata?

Ketiga, did he/she deserve u? Udah berapa kali orang yang jadi pasangan lo, bikin lo nangis? Bikin lo feel insecure? Membatasi pergaulan lo, mengatur cara hidup hingga cara berpakaian lo? Gila, kawin aja belom, udah ribet ngatur-ngatur. Apalagi kalo udah kawin nanti? Pasangan yang baik itu, yang ikut berkembang bersama lo. Bukannya membatasi, atau memaksa lo melakukan hal yang lo lebih milih untuk nggak melakukannya.

Coba pikirin 3 hal itu dulu. Lalu, tentang cowo/cewe yang lo anggap ngambil pasangan lo, well, they re just blacksheep. Kalo hubungan lo emang udah rusak, dan salah satu pihak gak mau membenahi, putus yah putus aja. Keep in ur mind, secanggih apa pun orang lain ngegodain pasangan lo, kalau dia udah yakin sama elo, gak ada tuh ceritanya dia kegoda.

Ah yah, cerita gue lagi. I am sagittarian with O type blood. I'm flirt, I go for adventure, I do anything just for adrenaline rush. But, this is my rule: 'gue nggak akan menyakiti hati perempuan mana pun'.

Kata Panglima Tien Feng, begitulah cinta, deritanya tiada akhir. Hehehe.

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