Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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Late night sad story

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Pas lagi cari parkiran di eX sebelum Love Garage tadi, ada nomor Esia sms gue: kmana kah dirimu?

Secara gue lagi janjian ma temen gue, itu sms pun gue bales: lg nyari parkiran. Lo dimana?

Nggak lama, ada balesan lagi: w di hatimu.

Nah, gue tau klo yang ngirim sms ini bukan orang dalam dugaan gue. Berselang 2 menit, nomor yang sama ngirim sms galau lagi. 2 sms galau. Terakhir, dia sms: dtg y pas nikahan w.

Gue sih nggak begitu penasaran. Feeling gue bilang, ini nomor my first bf. My high school bf. Old flame. Tapi pas dia sms gitu, gue langsung nelepon. Nada panggil terdengar berulang-ulang. Nggak ada jawaban.

Ya udah lah yaaa. Gue pun asik nontonin Agrikulture. Sumpah gue suka abis sama vokalisnya. Udah kagak ngeh dah tuh gue, ma tuh sms.

Begitu sampe rumah, bersih-bersih, makan minum, eh si Samsung getar-getar lagi. Ada sms masuk. Masih dari nomor Esia yang sama. Kali ini smsnya lebih panjang. Segala berpuisi soal kesalahan apa yang dia bikin hingga kami berpisah.

Well, my old flame, kesalahan lo cuma satu. Lo bilang dengan lantang ke gue: 'gue nggak pernah sholat, shin'. Don't u know it was break my heart?

Gue bales: mau nikah kok gundah? Banyak berdoa aja.

Belum sempet naruh si Samsung udah ada balesan: w mau nikah, tapi cuma sama lw.

Bla bla bla... Sampe dia cerita kalau nyokapnya udah meninggal. Gue lumayan kenal deket sama Ibu. Si Ibu seneng banget kalau gue main ke rumahnya. Sayang banget dia sama gue. Hiks, sedih. Lalu, gue jadi kepengen berada di samping my old flame ini. Membesarkan hatinya. Menunjukkan kalau masih ada gue yang peduli sama dia.

Tapi, gue nggak bisa melakukan itu. Our time was over. I can't be there for u. I can't hold u whenever u lost ur track. Dalam masa depan saya, kamu nggak ada. Saya hanya akan bilang, selamanya, kamu bagian istimewa dalam hidup saya.

Semoga bahagia.

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