Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Child of The 90s Life

I was born in the end of 80s.
Now I feel blessed that I grow in 90s era.
Back then, cartoon re worth watching.
Children re playing outside.
And music, ah, may I tell u 90s music is the best music. Everyone still have one or two of them in their playlist. I have like a dozens.

Day were longer than now. I could be bored at school waiting for break time. People didn't stick like a glue to their smartphone. People did hang out without take some pic and post it on social media.
And when I fight, I was fight like a boy. With my fist.

Sun, wind, and my bike. Oh, and short. As short as my hair cut. There was a time people recognize me as a boy. Pretty boy, they said.
My books; Lima Sekawan, Trio Detektif, Chronicles of Narnia, the Grimm Brother Late Night Stories, Dragonball comics; thrill my sense to had little adventure. With my 3 cousins, we used to biking alley to alley to find another shortcut.

Trees, afternoon sky, and nap time. Dragonfly, firefly, and dandelion. Pastel tone, rainbow, and barefoot. Where re those good stuff gone?

My simply little life. But, 90s has a dark side too. War, genocide, cloning, cell phone, and otonomi daerah. Something bigger has start to grow. And I can see that war between human and hi-tech creature just begun.