Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Don't Stop, Can't Stop

Press Conference 2PM Hands Up Asia Tour

Like I said in my profile. I am a Kpop Geek. Lebih spesifik lagi, I am a Hottest, fanbase buat Beastly Idol, 2PM. Sama kayak nemuin Matchbox Twenty, awalnya gue ngeliat Taec and fall in love with his smile. Untung gue bukan anak SMP lagi kala itu, jadi gue punya banyak akses buat nyari Taec.
Dan entah apa jadinya hidup gue (dan banyak pelajar serta mahasiswa sekarang) tanpa Google. Begitu tau Taec adalah bagian dari 2PM, gue mulai dengerin lagu-lagu mereka. Yeah, gue ngga ngerti bahasa Korea. Tapi kita semua bisa belajar, bukan? Pertama-tama pastinya nyari eng sub video klip mereka di Youtube, ngedownload semua single, mini album dan album mereka (maaf saya Hottest miskin, bisanya cuma download gratisan).
Maret 2011, keberuntungan menghampiri gue. Yes, bulan itu, my idols came to Jakarta dibawa sama BlackBerry. Setelah ngatur urusan tetek bengek media parter dengan Ismaya Live, gue berhasil mendapatkan tiket BB Live buat kuis di @gogirlmagz (akun Twitter Gogirl! yang lama) dan pastinya tiket buat gue nonton. Daebak!
Ngga lama, November kemaren, my beastly idol is back! Argggh!!! Kebayang gimana gue went insane, bulan kemaren. Setiap hari selalu counting down sampe tanggal 11-11-11. Finally finally, 10 November, gue diundang buat presconf dan ketemu face to face with them.
Gue udah mempersiapkan diri sejak lama untuk bilang: 'annyeong hasimnika, jonun Shinta imnida'. Hari itu, gue berhasil menarik perhatian ke 6 cowok luar biasa tampan dengan kalimat perkenalan gue itu. Gue pun menanyakan satu pertanyaan (yang akan gue post kemudian), lalu entah keberanian dari mana, gue yang masih megangin mic ngomong: 'can Taec answer my question, please?'. Khalayak pers langsung menyambut permintaan gue dengan huuuuu, panjang. Namun, Khun yang saat itu sedang memegang mic, mengerti ucapan gue. He said: 'You want Taec? This is Taec!' Mic berpindah tangan kepada Taec. My dream idol pun malu-malu menjawab pertanyaan gue. Oh, heaven, Khun and Taec was talked to me! Once a lifetime experience.
Keesokan harinya, acara konser berlangsung super seru. I'll post it later. Tapi sebelumnya boleh liat video amatir gue di sini.
Terakhir, sebelum pulang dari Seven Eleven deket kantor, gue rasa ada satu bait yang paling favorit dari lagu-lagu 2PM. Beberapa potong kalimat yang sering gue ucapkan pas lagi down. Here they are:
You wanna see me fall right?
(Haters)
Like a candle on a windy night,
Yeah right
Just watch me do this
Take a breath hold tight
I’m never going down without a fight,
aight?
-- Don't Stop Can't Stop

Annyeong.
Shinta, The Hottest

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