Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Between This and That

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Gue seringkali berkata. Pada sesiapa yang datang bercerita. Bahwa hidup selalu tentang pilihan. Dan pilihan itu ada di tangan kita. Berikut konsekuensinya.

This is 2007 all over again. When there's a so appealing bad guy picking a heart play with me. And a decent young man asking my time sincerely. I got choices. But I enjoy spending days and nights with both of them.

This is 2007 all over again. When you found me alone and now we sort of together. While my heart goes toward you, my brain after somebody else. Yes, I miss him as well as I miss you.

He got everything you don't. You got everything he wants. Like two sides of coin. You and him. Dark and light. Trouble and ease. Double the fun.

You might know me well by now. I'm a total mess, hopeless romantic, kindda pervert, pure soul, heartless bitch, looking for fun. I can squezze your heart and eat it raw. I can kiss your soul to the death. I can hurt you and still in love with you.

You are so me.

But I keep him dearly beside me. Touch him like he's made from fragile glass. Kiss him like my life depends on it. Adore him like sunshine. He's raw on the edge but he choose the silver lining. He got his own sadness and choose to embrace it.

He is so me.

Here I am. Didn't know why you guys arrived in my life at the same time. Bring me fun. Tickling a crazy greedy bitch inside me. Get me drunk with your eyes. Make me want more. You and him.

Tidak memilih pun adalah sebuah pilihan. Dan konsekuensinya akan lebih menyakitkan.

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