Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Fairy Old Parents

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Gue memang selalu bilang. Live for yourself. Namun ada beberapa saat lo harus hidup demi orang lain. Demi orang tua lo.

Saat sekolah.
Saat bekerja.
Saat menikah.

Karena kalau lo gak sekolah, lo nyusahin orang tua lo.
Kalau lo gak kerja, lo nyusahin orang tua lo.
Kalau lo gak nikah, lo nyusahin (hati) orang tua lo.

Saat lo sekolah, apakah lo mau berleha-leha atau mau jadi anak juara, yang ngerasain ilmunya adalah diri lo sendiri.
Saat lo bekerja, apakah lo mau berkeluh kesah atau mau bergelimangan harta, yang ngerasain duitnya adalah diri lo sendiri.
Saat lo menikah, apakah lo mau main gila atau mau jadi pasangan soleh/soleha, yang ngerasain ketenangan batinnya adalah diri lo sendiri.

Kadang kita seenaknya. Lupa kalau masih ada hak orang tua. Malahan sibuk menuntut hak kita. Sekolah, kerja, nikah, emang bukan perkara gampang.

Tapi ya itu. Kalau lagi lelah, kalau lagi kalah, kalau lagi gak inget untuk apa hidup di dunia.

Inget aja wajah orang tua kita. Inget rasanya jaman kecil kita pengen banget bahagiain mereka.

Inget aja kayak gitu kalau surga dan neraka terlalu jauh.

Inget aja orang tua.

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