Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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lluvia #14

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Tears never means that u re weak.
Laksana hujan yang bergemuruh. Membiarkan awan menumpahkan muatannya.
Saya memutuskan pergi. Bukan karena tak punya nyali. Atau bosan berharap sendiri. Apalagi karena caci maki orang orang dengki.
Saya memutuskan pergi. Anggaplah mengejar mimpi. Anggaplah memuaskan keinginan hati. Yang pasti waktu saya sudah terhenti di sini.
Banyak yang berkeluh kesah ketika hujan menyapa. Banyak yang merasa tertawan dari dunianya. Dan pelangi tidak lantas menyambut begitu hujan reda. Banyak pula yang menentang hujan. Berlari sambil merutuki di bawahnya. Tidak rela waktunya terbuang percuma.
Saya memilih duduk menatapi hujan. Mendengarkan ia menyampaikan pesan: istirahatlah sejenak, dari dunia yang membuat penat. Dari dirinya yang tak pernah melihat.
Saya sedih, that kind of sadness when u have to let go something to pursue ur dream.
Tuan, saya rindu.

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