Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Nayla tak pernah merasa kesepian

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'Kamu dulu pernah bilang kalo kamu butuh luka supaya bisa nulis. Gak kurang sentimentil apa tuh? Gak cuma sentimentil aja, tapi juga begok!' (67)

'Mungkin ia bisa berbagi perasaannya di twitter. Namun ia ragu, karena tak jarang status twitternya dihubung-hubungkan dengan masalah pribadi oleh orang yang ia sering sebut sebagai stalker.' (46)

'Ia sudah cukup tenang hidup di dalam dunia imajinasi yang diciptakannya dalam pikiran. Di dalam dunia ciptaannya itu, Nayla tak pernah merasa kesepian.' (82)

'Membuat tubuh mereka tak lagi duduk saling merapat. Membuat tangan mereka tak lagi berpegangan erat. Membuat bibir mereka tak lagi saling berciuman saat sempat. Membuat hubungan mereka bagai besi tua yang hampir habis dimakan karat' (94)

Buku ke-enam Djenar Maesa Ayu, 'T(w)ITIT!'. Cetakan pertama, 14 Januari 2012.

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