Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Why We Fall Out of Love

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The love stays.

What makes you fall out of love? Because he stops calling you Love? Or because he couldn't choose you over his nerding over coffee and Japanese girl groups. Because you often left alone whenever his friend come to play. Because his excessive accessories madness. Because he wont stop getting drunk on the weekend. Because he couldn't make any date plan.

Well, falling out of love is as easy as falling in love. We don't need much reason. We only feel. We don't think. Funny, since we never include our logic whenever we're in love. That's what they said. But, falling out of love is hard. Make us questioning our choices. And start the 'what if' endless list.

Most people I know falling out of love because they're done trying and didn't get any result in return. Because their significant others haven't went to the same length as them in term of making this relationship works. Oh, people, have you talk to them about your own agenda according this goal? You might be spend time together, doesn't mean you share the same vision and goals together.

People grow apart. The honeymoon phase's over. Your imaginary perfect significant others was actually a mediocre one. Flawed. Boring. Annoying even. And you start to blame the feeling. 'There's nothing wrong with you, it's me. I don't love you anymore'. Chance are, you never love them. You love yourself, and you're using them to pampering you hallucination of lovey dovey birds.

Love is an energy, as I believe it. It might change, but it can't be destroyed. Only if you are really love them. The thing is, falling in love has nothing to do with the love itself. For example, you can go head over heels for Korean Idols, but you don't love them. While people who share long term relationship might already move on from the falling in love feeling and went to loving their significant other just because.

So I look at my significant other. He still in love with me, while I never falling in love with him, but I love him dearly. I love him. But I want us to go separated. Not because his behaviour, or his sometimes menacing voice. It because I saw us, and I think we're better off alone. He hasn't agree with my way of thinking, but I can see he understands.

Why we fall out of love? Because we're falling in love with the idea, not the reality.