Apa Kabar, Bo?

  Apa kabar, Bo? Kemarin saya ke Gramedia. Sanctuary saya pas jaman SD. Dulu waktu Hero Swalayan masih ada di Gatot Subroto. Biasanya saya ke sana setelah ngumpulin duit jajan seminggu dan bisa buat beli komik. Ngga seperti sekarang, dulu banyak komik yang sampul plastiknya terbuka, jadi saya puas-puasin baca sebelum akhirnya beli cuma satu.  Jaman itu majalah Bobo tidak setipis sekarang. Apalagi pas edisi khusus, tebalnya bisa ngalahin kamus. Hahaha, bercanda ya, Bo. Bobo benar-benar teman bermain dan belajar saya, ada beberapa dongeng dunia yang sampai detik ini saya masih ingat. Ada juga dongeng lokal yang jadi favorit saya. Mungkin penulis Bobo sudah lupa, ada sebuah cerpen, yang memuat cerita ibu petani yang asik bekerja hingga anaknya kelaparan. Saya ingat ada syairnya: tingting gelinting, perutku sudah genting, kelaparan mau makan. Saya kemudian meniru syair tersebut dan dimarahin Mama. Beliau bilang, ngga pantas didenger orang. Oh ya, Bo. Mama adalah orang yang berjasa...

Midnight Doctor 6.0

'Why are you here if you don't wanna talk?'
The doctor wakes me from my deep zoned out.
'I don't know, doc. I'm a total mess. Never get anything right.'
Silence again.
'Shin, why did you came to me in the first place?'
'To figure out why am i the way i am.'
'And then?'
'To fix it.'
'Do you already figures it?'
'A little.'
'Then do you still have questions?'
'Many.'
'What are they?'
'I ... I don't know. I dont feel like talking.'
'Okay, i'll wait.'
Tick tock tick tock. Clock's sound makes me uneasy.
'Doc, will there's someone who loves me?
'I mean, i look around, and friends are grown up, settle down, have a kids, make a little family. And look at me, im alone, overwork, underpaid, sleep with gadgets and hungry stomach, unhappy, lost.
'When will i have my happily ever after?'
'Nah, Shin...'
'Doc, please don't start with patience.'
'No, i wasnt. What i try to said was never belittled yourself. Shin, you've been unfair with yourself, you never let yourself to be happy, to enjoy moments like most people do...'
'Can't help it, my brain's damage, remember?'
'Always cynical. Have you ever done something to makes someone loves you?'
Im stoned.
'No, doc. I push people away.'
'Why?'
'Im afraid of being hurt. Like i was before.'
'Since when you had that wory?'
'Since a guy broke up with me. I never fully recovered.'
'And what did you do with all guys you think you're in love with?'
'Told them that i in love with them. If they want me, they can have it. If they dont, i never want them that long anyway.'
'And?'
'And they're went away.'
'Did you actually love them?'
'No. I think im not capable for such feeling. Im not good enough for anyone.'
'What's lead that thinking?'
'Im not smart, not good looking, have no talent, bla bla bla, sort of. Im not what men looking when they're look at a woman.'
'Assumption, i see...'
'No, that's facts.'
'Shin, first thing to be accept by others, you have to accept yourself too. Nobody want to share their life with one who always unhappy about themself. So tell me, why you always push yourself away?'
That's a question i havent an answer. Yet.