Borrowed Sorrow

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  Growing up, I spent most of my time alone. I spent it reading, playing pretend, writing short stories, dancing, and exploring. Of course, I had a crew: a bunch of busybody teenagers exploring the infinite possibilities of our hometown. When puberty hit, I fell in love with the idea of falling in love, but not the actual relationship part. I mostly read about romance in teen magazines and already felt exhausted by the obligations society threw at girls. Back in my day, being sad was a trend. I was there when the first emo punk bands debuted on MTV. I was there when Avril swapped her skateboard for a tutu. But personally, I was happy. So, I borrowed sorrow from pop culture instead. I picked up my brother’s beat-up guitar and learned to play the most heart-numbing songs. I was an emo girl. The quiet kind you could only discover by reading my notes or scrolling through my playlist. I am a middle-aged woman now. What was once a borrowed sorrow has become the story of my life. Those c...
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Days in Jogja - Time Travel

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Udah menjelang magrib dan Benteng Vredeburg sudah selesai beroperasi. Gue memuaskan diri motoin Monumen Serangan 1 Maret dan gedung BNI berlatar langit merah. Maklum di Jakarta jarang liat langit walaupun langit menaungi setiap saat. Itulah sebabnya gue suka moto langit di luar Jakarta. Tetap mengikuti arah keramaian, gue berjalan ke alun-alun utara tanpa tau itu adalah alun-alun utara. Arena permainan di Pasar Sekaten yang kebetulan lagi digelar menarik perhatian gue. Terakhir kali jaman esde gue mendatangi pasar malam rakyat macam ini. Sisanya, gue merasa didnt fit in.

Nggak berubah, dari dulu pun jenis permainan yang dinaungi Diana Ria Enterprise ini menampilkan permainan yang sama. Ada rumah hantu yang bau pesing, tong maut dengan desingan suara motor plus bau bensin serta ayunan ombak yang menarik perhatian gue. Sebenernya bukan si wahana yang menarik, tapi atraksi akrobatik yang dilakukan oleh sindang-sindang ketika mengaktifkan permainan tersebut. Setelah tiga putaran hanya nonton, di putaran selanjutnya gue memutuskan ikut naik.


 

Gue bertanya-tanya, mereka ini, umurnya pasti nggak jauh dari gue. Sejak umur berapa mereka mempelajari atraksi ini? Bagaimana proses rekrutmen mereka? Lalu, bagaimana hidup meereka kalau tiap malam harus forsir energi seperti itu? Daftar pertanyaan ini bertambah panjang begitu gue merasa they really enjoy their job. Ikut berjoget di sela-sela lagu yang nyampahin telinga gue, saling bercanda, tertawa, menggoda, rasanya hampir dua tahun lalu gue bisa into pekerjaan gue dan melakukannya sambil tersenyum. Kenapa mereka tampak bahagia dan bangga dengan pekerjaan mereka?