Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

lluvia #22

'are you crying again?'
'i thought it's over.'
'it was.'
'then it start all over again?'

'why not me? what im lacking of?'
'nothing. lets say im just not into you. and it's not your fault. noone fault.'
'what am i to you?'
'dont what?'
'dont repeat that pattern again. lets just be you and be me.'
'im never change.'

'why me?'
'i dont choose you. it is what it is. and it's you.'
'you dont love me. you love your idea about me. and that's not me.'

i was sleeping with open eyes. he's gone, for million times. i am alone.