Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

lluvia #8

Kamu, lihat kah hujan turun tiada henti?
Menderu, menghantam daratan dengan jutaan ribu butiran air.
Kamu mungkin takkan percaya. Atau malah mencemooh.
But it's always rain whenever I'm sad.
Saya, katanya nggak bisa menangis. Rasanya bodoh menangis karena kamu.
Karena itu, hujan mencurahkan dirinya, menemani saya dan sekotak susu strawberry.
Kamu, adakah kiranya saya pernah terlintas dalam benak mu kala hujan turun?
Sungguh, ketika hujan turun, ketika itulah saya menangis meratapimu. Merinduimu. Menyesalimu. Mencintaimu.

Kamu dan rasa cinta saya, luruhlah dalam hujan.
Lenyaplah tanpa sisa.

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