Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Errr, hello?

Ini yang terjadi saat lo mau nelepon orang, tapi lo nggak tau mau ngomong apa.

Berulang kali gue mencet-mencet sederetan nomor yang sama berulang kali. Iya, gue apal banget sama nomor ini. Sambil tidur jugaan gue bisa nyebutin ini nomor.

Nggak cuma mencet dan ngapus nomor, gue juga bulak balik, turun naik. Agak takut sih, buat mencet tombol ijo dan mendengarkan nada sambung. Masalahnya, si tua samsung, agak lama kalo mutusin koneksi. Jadilah pas gue mencet cancel, nomor gue udah terkirim ke seberang. Akhirnya, gue beranikan diri untuk mendengarkan suara di seberang sana, dan bilang: errr, hello?

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