Hard Pills to Swallow

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  I am so incredibly sorry you went through that. Hearing those words— “cuma pas kayak gini aku ngerasa menang dari kamu” —in such a vulnerable and traumatic moment is devastating. It makes complete sense that your mind went blank. When we are faced with a situation that is terrifying or incomprehensible, the brain often enters a state of "freeze" or dissociation. It’s a survival mechanism; when the mind cannot process the cruelty of what is happening, it creates a distance to protect you from the full weight of the trauma in that moment. Understanding the Language of Power The phrase he used is deeply revealing, though painful to revisit. It suggests that: It was about control, not intimacy: By saying he felt he was "winning," he framed the assault as a power struggle. Insecurity and Resentment: It implies that in your day-to-day life, he felt "less than" or "losing" to you. Instead of dealing with his own insecurities like an adult, he chose ...
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Sepenggal cerita di ujung hari

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Sungguh, gue pernah nggak peduli pada tidur dan ngantuk.
Sungguh, gue selalu merasa ngantuk tepat pukul 9 malam. Lalu dengan mudah terlelap.
Sungguh, gue bisa tidur dimana aja dalam keadaan apa aja.
Sungguh, gue selalu terbangun dengan rasa puas dan badan segar.
Tapi itu dulu.
Dulu.
Udah lama, banget.
Sekarang, gue belum ngantuk.
Seharian gue melanglang buana, nempel sana nempel sini. Capek.
Namun saat ini, mata gue menyalang, menatapi layar kecil dalam genggaman.
Otak gue selalu awas, kalau-kalau ada bintik merah kecil di kanan atas yang berkedip-kedip.
Jantung gue berdebar demikian cepat dan tidak teratur.
Sungguh, dulu gue bisa tidur saat gue mau tidur.
Sekarang, gue harus merayu tidur.
Sekarang, betapa gue merasakan nikmatnya kalau kita ngantuk di waktu yang tepat.

Zzz,
Shinta. Nubie insomniac

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