Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

I love Summer, I hate Summer

Beberapa contact di BBm gue memajang potongan film 500 days of summer buat default picture BBm. Padahal nih film udah lumayan lama, dari 2009. Tapi kesannya tetep menetap di hati kayaknya. Di Tumblr juga banyak banget postingan galau dengan gambar-gambar dari film ini. Gue yakin udah pada tau ceritanya, jadi gak usah gue bahas lagi.

Normalnya, kita suka sesuatu karena feel related, karena perasaan: ini gue banget!. Iseng-iseng, gue nanya lah sama 6 orang di contact gue yang suka masang 500 days of summer. (Efek profesi banget, apa-apa ditanyain. Gak bisa nunggu besok. Hahaha)

Q: Nanya dong. Kesan apa yg lo dpt dr 500 hari si summer itu? Penasaran saya, lg banyak yg pasang itu buat dp.
A1: Kesannya mba? Kalo gak semua film romantis itu berakhir manis. 500 sih ngeliatin gimana waktu berubah,perasaan berubah. Gimana kita jth cinta-patah hati-move on-jatuh cinta lagi
A2: Tonton dulu, mba. Resapi. Ada banyak makna di sana.
A3: Itu satu²nya film cinta²an yg ga happy ending

Q: Ngerasa: ini film gue bgt! Gitu gak?
A1: Iya itu jg sihh mba.
A2: Hahahaha iya.

Q: Sama peran tom atau summer?
A: 4 dari 6 orang jawab Tom Hansen.

Belum lama ini, gue juga pin message ke seorang cowo: I was so Tom, to u. Tapi sebenernya, gue juga ngerasa Summer is so me! I mean, ada beberapa scene dimana pemikiran Summer cocok sama keadaan gue. Tapi, karena gue lagi suka sama ini cowo, jadinya I felt so Tom, hiks.

Yang gue noticed dari film ini adalah penggambaran sosok cowok yang emosional. Udah bosen banget gue liat film-film cewek menye-menye dengan cowok sok logic. Justru kenyataannya tuh, cowok suka emosional. Dikritik dikit marah, suka ngerasa dunia berputar dengan mereka sebagai pusatnya, nggak suka ditolak, suka bingung karena nggak mau nyakitin perasaan orang lain, dan suka bikin band yang lagunya bikin orang mau mati. Cowok-cowok bertampang Rambo hati Bimbo :p.

Kalau nonton ini film, gue inget dua orang temen gue yang kebetulan cowok pernah ngomong: 'cewek-cewek itu suka ngerasa mereka adalah korban, padahal, aslinya mereka itu pelaku'. Hahaha. Kok gue ngerasa kudu minta maaf yah?

At the end, Tom states his lack of understanding towards Summer actions. Summer explains that he was right about the existence of true love and that she discovered in someone else all the feelings she had never been sure about with Tom.

Biarpun Tom keliatannya menderita karena mencintai, banyak orang yang feel related to him. Maka, quote favorite gue ini pas banget dikutip: Begitulah cinta, deritanya tiada akhir, ungkap Panglima Tian Feng.

Cheers,
Shinta, I'm melancholy person and love love.

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