Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Have You Found My Tumblr?

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So, belakangan gue sering nge-capture Tumblr gue dan gue jadiin default pic BBm. Rupanya, beberapa temen gue feel related dan nge-copy potongan-potongan gambar itu. Mereka suka nanya: 'emang pas lagi ngepost ini, apa yang lo rasain?'. Gue juga suka jawab, kalau pertanyaannya gak susah dan gak bikin galau.
my back stage

Aslinya sih, karena beberapa waktu lalu gue deactive Twitter dan Facebook, gue gak punya sarana buat nulis kata-kata sampah. Jadi gue bikin Tumblr yang gue paksakan jadi Twitter. Since this Tumblr was new and noone knows, iseng gue capture dan jadiin default pic BBm. Yah, biar tulisan sampah tadi kebaca sama yang mau baca lah. Terus gue jadi ganti default pic sehari 3 kali, minimal.
Temen-temen gue banyak yang nanya, 'apa sih alamat Tumblr lo? Pake rahasiaan segala.' Sebenernya bukan dirahasiain. Tapi tulisannya jahat. I write almost everything. Takutnya, lo orang pada tersinggung. Hahahaha. Liat dong judulnya, Back Stage, belakang layar, tempat gue bisa jadi Shinta dan orang lain nggak boleh nge-judge gue. Sedangkan blog ini, Front Stage, tempat gue bermain peran.
While people only see what they wanna see, they have no idea. People, you only see what I choose to show.

Shinta,  I'm not growing up, I just compromise.

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