Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Childhood Mixtape

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Sometimes I feel so sentimental and wanna cry all day. Maybe because hormones but most of times just because I like to cry but doesnt have any occasions to do so. And following my sentimental mood I usually put this songs on replay.

Sweet Child O' Mine - GnR



I like how this song was release not longer after I born. We practically siblings. Later when I'm older -not that much older- I was in love with Axl Rose like every other teen girl, except I wasn't a teen yet, and how free and easy going the life he's living inside GnR music video. Only when I was trully teenager that I realize if his life not so much rock n roll. Well, Mr. Rose, where do we go now?


Cryin' - Aerosmith



I was never knew how to fall in love, yet this song make me brokenhearted. But the first thing drown me to this song was its the girl in the video: Alicia Silverstone. Maybe because her wealth on Clueless or her performance in Batman Forever. Alicia was my first girl crush. And her best performance is in this mv. Her tough/fragile gesture, Steven Tyler's voice, and the story of the song kinda filling my head on one pastel afternoon. Definitely a treasure.


Bed of Roses - Bon Jovi



I don't know about this one. Maybe I was listen to it too much because older teenager in my neighbour play it on replay. Maybe because the world was all about Bon Jovi that year. Maybe because all magazine feature Jon as the handsome man of the year. I don't know. But now, listening to this song always take me away to sunny mid day when I walk to home from school. I used to humming this song even when I don't understand a word in it. I just love the warm feeling in my chest because of this song.

High & Dry - Radiohead


I used to fall asleep to this song. The soft voice of Thom Yorke and the guitar play I try to play until now, brings back night breeze and the smell of Pa's coffee. Years later, my significant other give me this song while saying 'this so is so you'. Not quite sure what he means with that, is that a pledge to not leaving him high & dry? The same song was playing in my head when my eternal crush saying he prefer Thom Yorke than Tom DeLonge of Blink 182. Guess that's why we enjoy each others company.

90s have the best band in entire centuries and I'm just happy to not miss them in my life.