Read This When You Want To Give Up

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 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
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Wounded Healer

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'I'm broken' the girl says, 'if u okay with that, I'm all urs.'
The boy stunned for a while 'we re all broken. I got some wounds too. Would u accept that?'

Sore ini, saya membalas tweet yang berujung menjadi sesi curhat. Hey, I'm not trying to be love counselor, it just I got some thought about her problem.

Pass the past. Semua orang punya masa lalu. Mungkin hitam kelam hingga membuatnya tak mampu tersenyum lagi. Atau terlalu mulus tanpa cacat. Apa pun itu, when u decided to be with him/her, take them as they are. Including their past.

Trust him/her like u want them to trust u. Gue gampang percaya sama orang, gue percaya semua orang itu baik. Ibaratnya kayak praduga tak bersalah lah. And in any kind of relationship, saat lo udah gak percaya lagi sama seseorang, apa pun yang dia katakan/lakukan, akan terasa salah. Simply because u don't trust them.

Talk ur mind. Gue sering ngetweet gini: I wish I could mastered occlumency, so I can see through ur brain. Cowok gak akan ngerti cewek, cewek juga kesulitan ngerti cowok. Terutama cewek, we might got theories why boys do what they do, but we still in big question mark. So, speak ur mind. Tell him/her, it's easy when u trust one and another.

Be prepared. U might think u know him/her very well. Tapi saat lo bertanya tentang suatu hal, siap-siap aja dengan jawabannya. Belum tentu dia bakal ngasih jawaban yang sesuai perkiraan lo. Selalu ada kemungkinan, lo kecewa dengan jawaban mereka. Dan gue gak nyaranin lo nanya-nanya soal masa lalu. What's done is done.

Finally the girl says 'I'm afraid. Don't wanna hurt any longer, anymore.'
The boy try to looking at her eyes 'I can promise u nothing, but if u wanna give us a try, I'm all in.'

Disclaimer: I'm not love conselor and don't want to be one. Lagian udah pada gede kan? Bisa lah pilah-pilih sendiri.

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