Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Fake it, but will u make it?

Gue tau beberapa akun twitter bener-bener pencitraan abis. Kenapa gue berani bilang gitu, karena gue berinteraksi dengan si pemilik akun, mari kita namakan Mrs M, di dunia nyata. Suka gemes sih kalau apa yang ditweet saking palsunya malah kayak delusional.

Since I hate mocking someone, gue pun membuka halaman twitter gue. Gue baca satu-satu. Ah, kalau dari sudut pandang orang laen, mungkin gue sama palsunya dengan Mrs M. Sama delusionalnya juga kali. Sama-sama self centered. Mungkin gue gak suka tweet Mrs M karena kami mirip kali yah.

Ah, gue emang delusional, tapi gue kagak palsu. Kalau Mrs M, eh dese kagak palsu juga, sih. Kami cuma delusional aja. Mendekati titik akut.

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