Read This When You Want To Give Up

on
 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti
0

My Eternal Crush

on

Belakangan saat manic sudah mulai mengendur, saya sibuk mencari jeans kesayangan di antara tumpukan baju berwarna hitam. Di sana, saya justru menemukan sekelumit kenangan.

Ini kemeja hitam yang sama yang ia kenakan saat memuji saya. Kemeja hitam yang sama yang ia berikan pada saya. Kemeja hitam yang sama yang saya kenakan tiap kali merinduinya. Dan di sana kenangan itu tergeletak.

Semilir angin membawa alunan Dream dari The Cranberries. Lagu favorit kami bersama. Lalu hati saya merana. Kenangan itu begitu manis hingga saya enggan mengingatnya. Namun senyum tersungging di bibir saya. Meresapi segala perjalanan kami.

Kami tidak pernah bersama. Kami hanya searah dan beriringan. Kadang bergenggaman tangan. Kadang berlari saling mendahului. Mungkin mencinta. Sering mencaci.

Hanya karena saya mengingatnya tak lantas saya terkungkung akan kisah masa lalu. Lebih karena saya menghargainya dan menyambutnya saat ia terkenang. Cuma karena saya pergi, tidak berarti saya melupakan. Walau sesiapa pun yang datang. Ia tetap terkenang.

Lelaki berkemeja hitam.
Selamanya tetap terkenang.

Comments

Post a Comment