Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

SAMA

Lalu saya bisa apa?
Kalau kita sama-sama keras kepala.
Sama-sama sakit hati.
Sama-sama merasa tidak dianggap.
Merasa harus dimintai maaf.

Mungkin karena kita terlalu sama.
Namun hidup di jaman yang berbeda.
Maka kita sama-sama merasa benar.
Tau apa kamu baru hidup sebentar.
Tau apa kamu sudah tidak update.

Karena kita terlalu sama.
Sama-sama ingin dibanggakan.
Sama-sama ingin dihormati.
Dan kita sama-sama melakukannya diam-diam.
Lalu sama-sama sok acuh.

Sakit hati kita sama.
Impian kita sama.
Kita ingin membahagiakan keluarga yang sama.
Apa karena terlalu sama kita tidak bisa duduk bersama?

Karena saat kita bersama, kita sama-sama sakit hati.

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