Borrowed Sorrow

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  Growing up, I spent most of my time alone. I spent it reading, playing pretend, writing short stories, dancing, and exploring. Of course, I had a crew: a bunch of busybody teenagers exploring the infinite possibilities of our hometown. When puberty hit, I fell in love with the idea of falling in love, but not the actual relationship part. I mostly read about romance in teen magazines and already felt exhausted by the obligations society threw at girls. Back in my day, being sad was a trend. I was there when the first emo punk bands debuted on MTV. I was there when Avril swapped her skateboard for a tutu. But personally, I was happy. So, I borrowed sorrow from pop culture instead. I picked up my brother’s beat-up guitar and learned to play the most heart-numbing songs. I was an emo girl. The quiet kind you could only discover by reading my notes or scrolling through my playlist. I am a middle-aged woman now. What was once a borrowed sorrow has become the story of my life. Those c...
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lluvia #1

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'Wajahmu selalu tampak ingin menangis. Tak bisakah kau pahami? Baginya, keberadaanmu bukan apa-apa.' Aku menatap gusar pada gadis di hadapanku.

'Bagaimana denganmu? Kenapa masih terpaku padaku? Padahal kamu tau jelas keadaanku. Selamanya, mataku tertuju pada dia.' Jawabnya. Datar memang, namun dapat kurasakan guratan lukanya tiap kali ia berucap tentang lelaki itu.

'Dia tidak peduli padamu.' Ku teriakan kalimat itu sekali lagi padanya.

'Jangan. Jangan beritahu aku hal yang sudah jelas.' Ia menutupkan kedua tangan ke telinganya. 'Dada ku rasanya sakit. Hampir meledak.' Suaranya mencicit. Ia sedang berusaha menahan tangisannya.

'Ku mohon, lepaskan dirimu. Lihatlah kepadaku. Aku peduli padamu.' Perlahan kuturunkan kedua tangannya. Ia membiarkan aku mendekap erat tubuhnya. Datar. Hampa.

'Aku terbangun dengan namanya, aku terlelap dalam bayangnya. Entah aku yang bodoh karena mencintainya, atau kau yang bodoh karena mencintaiku. Ku mohon, jangan lepaskan aku.' Ia menangis. Setelah sekian lama menahan tiap tetesan, kali ini airmatanya langsung membasahi hatiku.

Hujan turun, membasuh luka hatinya.

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