Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

Tuhan tau, tapi menunggu.

Pertengahan Desember lalu, gue bingung antara mau beli camera pocket, kamera instan, atau sekalian DSLR. Semua punya kelebihannya masing-masing. Sementara budget terbatas.

Akhirnya, gue beli DSLR. Padahal, udah dua tahun kepengen kamera instan. Klo camera pocket, yah cuma karena lebih praktis aja sih. Pilihannya lebih antara kamera instan, atau DSLR.

Pas udah beli DSLR, keinginan untuk punya kamera instan nggak kunjung hilang. Tapikan yah, gue kudu qanaah. Merasa cukup dengan apa yang ada.
Tapi Tuhan punya rencana lain. Selang sebulan gue beli DSLR, gue dapet kamera instan. Free of charge.

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang mana lagi kah yang kamu dustakan?

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