'You can't only come whenever you're down, Shin.'
I smile. A weak one.
'So? How's life?'
'All is well, Doc. It just this down phase really get into my work. Like I dont have enough energy to do more. I just wanna sleep and cry.'
'Why, Shin. You've been through this before. And I really encourage you to take your medicine.'
'You know I don't believe medicine can solve this.'
The doctor smile and shaking head. We will have this arguments again.
'Do you still doing your regular exercise?'
'No.'
The doctor takes a note.
'Start to having bad dreams again?'
'Yes.'
'Do you sleep 6-9 hours?'
'No. I keep waking up at odd times. I don't sleep well.'
'How about your meals schedule?'
'I only eat breakfast. Just because I feel responsible to my body. I can't get sick. I don't have time for that.'
'Yeah, but your mind needs regular sugar intake. Not too much, but lacking is also not good.'
'Anyway, Doc, I have problem to control my anger. I kept it as long as I could but one day, I go ballistic.
'And I want to hurt myself.'
'And what did you do?'
'I starve myself. And pull out from social scenes.'
'Was that makes you better?'
'I don't know. But I'm able to come here today, so I guess it works.'
'Did you ever visit support group? The one I've told you?'
'No.'
'Why?'
'I don't like people. Especially people with bipolar, they act like they are superior. Hell, disorder didn't make you different.'
'Is that so?'
'I think I like to treat my disorder as if it was a regular disease. I knew sometimes people like me tend to think that we're superior. Not because this disorder give us super power, but because this disorder make our brain thinks that we are above others. But, people with diabetes didn't proud with their condition. So why should us?'
'Yes, people with disorder sometimes think that they are superior. And yes, disorder didn't make people different from others. But Shin, people like you do have different needs. Because you are think and feel differently. And I say this over and over, you guys must have a bigger patience than general people. Because society doesnt understand you, they might even judge you.'
'I do what it takes to have normal social life. But I don't push myself into it. If I don't feel it, I will skip it.'
'Okay, let's do some test.'
I keep thinking to myself. Did all these test ever works?
