Read This When You Want To Give Up

 I keep listing the reasons why I can't kill myself. And each day it gets shorter. Still, I live. Liking my job, taking care of others, set goals, and actually achieved it. All while still wanna die. So I try to understand, what's exactly in my brain. What's I'm looking for. What's the drive that gets me up every morning. Why I'm in constant pain. Maybe I'm just dramatic, a little bit melancholy. I know what I want is for the pain to stop. And I need to know where the bleeding is to stop it. What and who hurts me. Or No matter what and who, when and how, I need to accept and forgive. Forgive that I can't change the past, I can't change people. Accept that I only can control myself. To tough up and not let it hurts. Maybe this is not about me. Maybe the what and the who weren't aware that they hurt me. It's like a circle. While they tried to protect themselves, they unintentionally hurt others. The fact that I wanna die since 4th grade and sti

That Hipster's Magz

You know, i always nicknamed things and people in my life. Like the one who wont be named, means a petite tutor back in my college days; the first man, means my first boyfriend; basketball for my second boyfriend; etc.

I also nicknamed those magazine i (used to) work for. Like the ultimate teen magz in town, the hipster magz, the hijabsomething magz, etc.

Things about the hipster magz, i know so many people who despite my team in this magz. You know, things other said about hipster being oh so exclusive and oh so over-dresses. While i, who potrait myself as an outsider in every packs, dont see it like that.

I mean, back when i was in the ultimate teen magz in town, people keep talking about how my first boss act like Vogue's editor in chief. But all i see was, she just give her best self to represent her magz. All i wanna say is look closer without cloudy eyes.

The same goes to the cool kids in hipster magz. They are warm and easy to be with. They are open minded with sometimes curt words. Because they didnt mean it. That's how they joke. Yeah i've been thought it's rude, but after a while, i dont care. They let me to be me. And i dont see why i should insult them just because they're being themself.

Oh yeah im no saint, i have one or two person i dont like. And i wont like. But if they keep their distance from me, i wont bite. Promise.

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